Part 1: When I Thought I Had Finally Earned Peace

Yolanda Kittrell
Jan 25
3 min read

Hope, expectations, and the quiet confidence before everything changed.

Content Notice

This blog series discusses chronic illness, medical dismissal, mental health, surgery, and reproductive health. While it includes humor and hope, it also contains descriptions of medical trauma and emotional distress. Please read at your own pace and take breaks as needed. 💜

Blog Series Overview

Endo, But Make It Gentle™ is a four-part personal essay series documenting my journey to an endometriosis diagnosis, healing, and learning how to advocate for myself inside a medical system that often failed to listen.

This series is not medical advice.It is my lived experience.

You don’t need to read this all at once. Each part stands on its own — and you are welcome here however you arrive.

A Note Before We Begin

I debated for a long time whether to share this story publicly.

Not because I didn’t want to be honest — but because once you name your pain out loud, you can’t take it back. And because Black women, chronically ill women, and women navigating medical systems are often taught to stay quiet, stay grateful, and stay small.

But the more I reflected on this journey, the more I realized this story wasn’t just mine anymore.

It belongs to anyone who has ever been told they were “too young,” “too emotional,” or “overreacting.”To anyone who has had to translate pain into palatable language just to be taken seriously.To anyone still waiting to be believed.

So this is me choosing honesty over comfort — and gentleness over silence.

Let’s start at the beginning.

Part 1: When I Thought I Had Finally Earned Peace

At the start of 2025, I truly believed I had reached a season of rest. I had survived enough, healed enough, grown enough — or so I thought.

This part is about hope, expectations, and the quiet confidence that comes before everything changes.

As I approached 2025, I had high hopes — no, expectations — for how the year would unfold. For the first time in my adult life, I was sitting fully in my truth. I knew who I was, I liked her, and I was comfortable with her.

I felt like I had already survived the things that should have taken me out.Surely, I had earned a year of peace.

Moment #1 Where I Made God Laugh.

We rang in the new year with our first-ever New Year’s Eve party—games, food, drinks, laughter, and a moment of collective pause with friends. I kissed my husband and daughters at midnight and thought, What could go wrong?

Two weeks later, everything changed.

Continue the Series

This story doesn’t end here.

In the next part, I share the year my body changed overnight — the pain, the dismissal, and the moment I realized something was deeply wrong.

👉 Read Part 2: The Year My Body Changed Overnight

Gentle Reader Note

If this part stirred something in you, please pause if you need to. You don’t have to rush your way through this series. Healing — and reading — can be slow.

If you’ve ever entered a season believing you had finally earned rest, you’re not alone.You’re welcome to reflect quietly — or share your thoughts in the comments if it feels safe to do so.